


Would That I

by DjarinsRiduur



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dirty Talk, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Feelings, Fluff, Penis In Vagina Sex, Rough Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:01:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29798502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DjarinsRiduur/pseuds/DjarinsRiduur
Summary: He didn’t know how to make his mind quiet. Not after everything he’d been through. But there were days he’d come home, find you there greeting him with a smile, and realize that you were all he needed.
Relationships: Javier Peña/Reader, Javier Peña/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	Would That I

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is also posted on my Tumblr. Yes it's named after a Hozier song, because I'm a thirsty bitch in need of poetic feels and Hozier is my supplier. I'll add the warnings here as well. Takes place during season 3.
> 
> Warnings: Explicit, angst (cause it’s me), rough sex, p in v sex, dirty talk (squint and you’ll see it), and feelings/fluff because why not. Oh and cussing. Season 3 Javi comes with his own warning.

If there’s one thing he couldn’t understand, in all his years in working for the DEA, it was why people were always idiots. No matter what, they seemed to choose to be idiots rather than go the intelligent route. He may be in the league of bosses now, but that never really stopped the bullshit. It only made it worse; forced him to deal with shit that he deemed as unnecessary. Others would see it as the exact opposite and he blamed them for the reason why he couldn’t tell if he was angry at them, or at himself for coming back. He did his best to leave all his stress and anger at his job, but some days it wasn’t possible.

Some days it clung to him, tattooing itself onto his skin, his work clothes, every part of himself. The days he couldn’t leave it there, couldn’t rid himself of it, are the days when he loathed going home. He knew you’d be there, waiting for him, but to go home meant to drag you into this mess that was his job. If he could, he’d keep you far from it. Separate himself from the Javier you loved, and the agent at work.

He’d remain solely as the Javier you loved any day of the week, month, year. He’d choose him in a heartbeat, because that meant keeping a small sense of normalcy that he no longer got to have. Funny; he wouldn’t have made that choice before you. Perhaps it was you who made all the difference. He hoped it was.

Sitting in the car he continued to take drag after drag of the cigarette until it calmed some of that underlying anger. He had said he’d quit. Now look where he was; half a pack a day to make it through. He threw the last of it onto the ground as he loosened his tie. Already he made the decision to go back to the building he hated after seeing you.

He just _needed_ to see you. Even if it was only for a short time; he wanted to forget about all of it for as long as he could.

On the short walk up, he debated on returning to his car, on driving back to work not having seen you at all. It would be better in the end. To truly leave his anger at his job. However, he still couldn’t get over the thought of seeing you, of hearing your voice and feeling your arms around him. They say that people can’t always take other’s weight off their shoulders, but you came pretty damn close to making him feel lighter than he had in years.

Entering the apartment, he felt the feeling of you wash over him. The place was slightly warm, because of the candles you liked to burn. Some with scents, others without. He never minded, always inquiring about what scents you liked for that day, and seeing your face light up after. You made the once cold and empty place an actual home that felt comfortable in. Something that he didn’t think was possible after so long of it just being him living alone.

Dropping his suit coat on the couch he went in search of you, hoping that if he only saw you it would help some. He found you in the bedroom, shoving your clothes into the tiny closet and chose to just watch. The obliviousness of you thinking you were alone as you continued to turn and grab another item before going back to try and find a place to put it. A string of curses left your lips as you nearly fell on your face tripping over a fallen hanger.

“You’re going to kill yourself,” he said catching your attention.

“Have you been there the whole time?”

He moved closer to you, wanting to hold you, but knowing that there was no room for his touch to be tender today. So, he held off and instead focused on helping you to shove the clothes where they could go. Laundry day; always entertaining when you were around.

“Javi?” you asked, seeing the way he avoided your eyes. Something happened; you could feel it in your bones, but he wouldn’t tell you, wouldn’t give you an indication as to what. Because he believed he was saving you that way.

“Javi.” You grabbed onto his arm forcing him to turn and face you. “Come here.”

He practically collapsed into your arms, his head falling onto your shoulder and a sigh leaving his body. Somehow, someway you managed to make the stress he held onto deflate, melt away under your touch. He longed for you every day, with thoughts of seeing you a certain way, but today...today he _needed_ you. He didn’t care which way you gave yourself to him. Sexual, affectionate, he didn’t give a shit, because it was _you_. Purely and utterly you.

That’s all he needed to help him survive the days where it felt like he’d drown.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” you asked.

He shook his head, burrowing himself further into you. If he could he’d wrap himself around you and never leave; breathe you in because he knew that it would give him some life back.

“What will help? You tell me.”

Was it bad that he wanted to feel you? To have you calling for him in more than one way would help him? He didn’t want to tell you that, for fear of what you’d say to him, but then remembered that this was you. This was the person that could help him. To have someone ask to help him practically brought him to tears, but he kept himself from breaking. You were the person reaching through the water he was drowning in, and pulling him back to the light, back to where he could get some semblance of air into his lungs.

His head raised, forehead pressing into yours as he gripped at your hips. An anchor in the deep vicious waters of his mind; one he’d forever be grateful for. Your warms hands caressed his face, bringing him closer to you and coaxing him out of his head, out of his thoughts. He didn’t know how you did it, always whittled it down to some form of magic, but you managed to bring him back. You took the agent that came from work, and stripped him away to reveal the man you loved.

“I need to feel you querida,” he whispered.

That was enough for you to understand. You began to unbutton his shirt, as his hands dug underneath yours, grasping at any skin he could get his hands on. The chaos in his mind began to dim somewhat but it wasn’t enough. Not until your lips met his did it turn the chaos to deadly silence, a small amount of peace allotted to him until you parted. He didn’t mean for the kiss to turn rough, didn’t wish to hurt you, but he was desperate for you. Licking his way into your mouth as he tangled his tongue with yours, he reveled in the sounds you made. Wet, hot, and everything you.

You pulled back to breathe, getting in as much as air as possible before he stole it away again. His teeth nipping at your neck, down to your collarbone made your knees weak, but you dug your hands into his hair to hold yourself up. He wanted to lose himself in you? Then you’d allow him to do just that. Leave his worries and stress by the door as he sunk himself into you; gaining some part of himself back.

“Javi.” His name a breathless whisper on your lips had him melting further into you, his hands moving you back until you hit the bed.

He helped in tugging off your pants, hearing your laughter echo in the room when your foot got caught. It brought out his own smile at the sight of you carefree around him. No stress, no anger, no worries, just you welcoming him home in every way he needed. He shucked off the rest of his clothes quickly; choosing to stand there, hand wrapped around himself as he watched you. Spread out on his bed as you smiled at him. Not to try and beckon him closer, but a smile that said everything all at once. One that told him how much you loved him.

“Well? You coming closer Peña?” You were tempted to touch yourself, to make him yearn for it, but the look in his eyes already told you that he wouldn’t like that. Not after whatever happened today. So, you spread out your arms and legs, letting him know that you were his, you’d always be his, because there was no one else that matched you like he did.

“Turn over,” he said lowly.

He was afraid you didn’t want it that way, that you’d tell him no, but then a smirk curved on those beautiful lips of yours. And you slowly propped yourself on your hands and knees, waiting for him to approach. He loved you. There was never any doubt about it before, but it hit him like a punch to the gut at this moment. Letting him lose himself in you _his_ way? He was yours, forever.

You felt him climb behind you, heard him groan in appreciation at the sight of your inner thighs glistening in your slick, and just to be a tease you curved your back to put yourself more in his direction. His hand slid along the curve of your spine, pushing you lightly until your cheek met the mattress as he notched himself at your entrance. Soft touches are all he gave you at this point knowing that it’s what _you_ needed before he let himself go.

“Are you sure?” he asked, the timid sound in his voice sounding different to the Javier you were used to hearing.

Reaching behind you blindly you found his hands and curled your fingers, intertwining them with his. “Yes.”

You were wet enough to take him and it’s why he didn’t hesitate to push himself into you with one thrust, already addicted to the gasp that you let out. He wanted to hear it again. Letting go of his hand you dug it into the sheets at the fast pace he set. His hips slamming against you, trying to be as close to you as possible, but also work everything he had in him off. You didn’t mind it, the feel of him sinking over and over into you, going deeper every time as the sounds of your wetness echoed around the room. He shifted, spreading your knees and knew he was right where you needed when you cried out into the sheets.

“Oh fuck!” You lifted your head slightly, digging into the sheets until your knuckles went sore. “Right there- _shit_ -right there Javi.”

He leaned forward, biting into the skin of your back as he groaned from the feeling of you. Speeding up his thrusts he did his best to keep the angle you needed; brushing against your g-spot each time and driving you to the brink of ecstasy. You pushed back against him, meeting his hips that drove into you, and moaning out curse words, his name, incoherent sounds. All of it solely for him. He made sounds of his own, stringing together sentences of filth as he draped himself over you and kissed at your shoulder.

_Hermosa, look at you. A mess because of me._ He was cooing them into your ear, whispering things that had your eyes rolling back in your head and toes curling.

“You going to cum for me?” he asked, with another nip to your shoulder.

You nodded, unable to get anything else but a cry of yet another incoherent word out. A thin layer of sweat covered the both of you, but still he continued to pound into you, desperate to hear you scream his name. His hand slipped down to toy with your clit and your walls clamped down on his cock, a scream of his name tearing through you as your release hit you quick and brutal. White flashed behind your closed eyelids, heat streaking down your spine. An all-consuming feeling of nothing but him, everything purely him filled you until you were practically collapsing into the bed.

His hands gripped tightly at your hips as he chased his own release. He did exactly what he wanted to do, what he asked of you. He lost himself in the feel of you, in the way you continued to whimper for him with every thrust, the prospect of another orgasm right on the edges of your sight. Every little thing he reveled in until he finally felt the string pulled taught, _snap_. His balls drew up and he was digging his head into your back, crying out your name in a cracked voice as his release shattered him.

A moan left your lips at the warmth of him coating your walls, another small orgasm hitting you and leaving your breathless. His hand came up to where yours were still dug into the sheets, pulling at it until he was twining his fingers with yours. Only the sounds of his and your heavy breathing echoed around the room, but it was enough. You didn’t need more than the silence of him pressing soft kissing to your spine until he pulled out to grab a wet cloth.

“I love you,” he murmured into your skin, continuing to kiss at your spine until he reached the back of your neck, his hands busy cleaning you up.

“I love you,” you breathed out.

Any thoughts he had of going back to the building he hated had left his mind. Not after what just happened. He finally felt lighter than before walking through that door, and he wouldn’t trade that for anything. On instinct you grabbed the ashtray that was on your nightstand, already having it resting on your stomach while he lit up his cigarette. He turned to see you balancing the tray as you were spread out still, the sheen of sweat making you glow in the low light of the bedroom lamps.

Javier didn’t cherish much in life; already afraid that he’d lose it the second he got it, but you...he cherished you. He didn’t need to tell you with words, because the kiss he pressed to your forehead told you enough. It told you that he would love you with every cigarette filled breath in his lungs, with every aching bone and smile only for you to see. He would love you and your little enjoyments in life with everything in him, because it was you that saved him at the end of the day.

“Guapisimo.” You smiled at him as you said it, already expecting the roll of his eyes and scoff he gave you.

“Callate,” he replied with that smile that you knew he tried to hide by wrapping his lips around the cigarette.

“Rude!”

Javier was already taking away the tray from your stomach and setting it on his side of the bed, the cigarette now abandoned inside it. You tried to tell him that he should take back what he said, and that if he wasn’t careful, you’d call his dad to come wash his mouth out with soap. But he was already cutting you off with a kiss, wrapping his arms around you and tucking you close to him.

You tapped his temple lightly. “How is it up there?”

He hummed against your lips, leaning into your touch. “Better now that I’m with you.”

“Good,” you whispered, resting your head on his chest and feeling his arms grow tighter around you. He needed this, needed you close to fall asleep, and that was perfectly fine by you.

At the end of it, you’d remain there to pull him back to the man he wanted to be, because you knew he’d do the same for you in a heartbeat. So, you closed your eyes, letting out a sigh as you fell asleep listening to the sound of the steady heart you fell in love with.


End file.
